Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
