At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
