My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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