Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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