My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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