I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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