So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
