So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
