Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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