Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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