I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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