would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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