You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
