So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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