so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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