I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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