And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
