You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
