I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
