Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
