If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
