My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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