4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
