I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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