I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
