my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
