I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
