Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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