how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
