question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
