I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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