if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
