I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
