You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
