Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
