and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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