you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
