sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
