shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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