The maid of honor just puked.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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