My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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