So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
PANTIES FOUND
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