If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
