So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
