I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
