White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
should my penis look like a turkey
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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