He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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