No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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