mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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