and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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