SEEEEXXX PLEASE
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
