You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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