i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
