yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
