I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He passed out mid-signature
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
