does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
