All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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