worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
